Is this CockFosters? No, it's mine.

The subject line of this blog refers to an old one-liner prevalent in London, that makes light of one of the more amusing names given to London Underground stations.

The station in question, "Cockfosters" lies at one end of the Piccadilly Line (Piccadilly being up there as well, in the reckoning of amusing names) and hence, the response to when people ask, as the train pulls into the station, "Is this Cockfosters?".

Now, the problem with this particular example isn't so much that Cockfosters lies at one end of the Piccadilly Line. It's what lies at the other end of the Piccadilly Line. That is, of course, the two tube stations that service Heathrow. Therefore, tens of millions of people each year leave Heathrow via tube, and board trains marked to Cockfosters, and at every station, as the doors close, will hear the melodic female voice intone, "This, is a Piccadilly Line train, to...Cockfosters."

And for my mind, this is a problem. I mean, it turns London into a bit of a joke really. And it's not just Cockfosters. There are almost 200 stations on the underground, and a great deal of them have silly names. Therefore, my suggestion is this. Keep the lettering the same, but just change the names themselves. Confused? Let me explain.

There exists a rather hilarious version of the classic London Underground map, that has been run through an anagram generator. The result is that previously benign station names suddenly take on hilarious alternatives.

Let me provide you with a few examples.

Harrow & Wealdstone, could be renamed Swearword & Ethanol.
Heathrow Terminal 4 could be renamed Thermohaline Wart 4.
Colliers Wood could be renamed Woollier Cods.
Turnpike Lane could be renamed Internal Puke.
Snaresbrook could be renamed Robs Koreans.

It's not just stations either. The railway lines themselves could be updated.

Docklands Light Railway for example, sounds frightfully dull. Allowing Dastardly Hick is much better.

I've included the maps themselves below - just click the thumbnails to have a proper look-see.

Top one is the genuine map, and the bottom is the alternative.