Is this CockFosters? No, it's mine.

The subject line of this blog refers to an old one-liner prevalent in London, that makes light of one of the more amusing names given to London Underground stations.

The station in question, "Cockfosters" lies at one end of the Piccadilly Line (Piccadilly being up there as well, in the reckoning of amusing names) and hence, the response to when people ask, as the train pulls into the station, "Is this Cockfosters?".

Now, the problem with this particular example isn't so much that Cockfosters lies at one end of the Piccadilly Line. It's what lies at the other end of the Piccadilly Line. That is, of course, the two tube stations that service Heathrow. Therefore, tens of millions of people each year leave Heathrow via tube, and board trains marked to Cockfosters, and at every station, as the doors close, will hear the melodic female voice intone, "This, is a Piccadilly Line train, to...Cockfosters."

And for my mind, this is a problem. I mean, it turns London into a bit of a joke really. And it's not just Cockfosters. There are almost 200 stations on the underground, and a great deal of them have silly names. Therefore, my suggestion is this. Keep the lettering the same, but just change the names themselves. Confused? Let me explain.

There exists a rather hilarious version of the classic London Underground map, that has been run through an anagram generator. The result is that previously benign station names suddenly take on hilarious alternatives.

Let me provide you with a few examples.

Harrow & Wealdstone, could be renamed Swearword & Ethanol.
Heathrow Terminal 4 could be renamed Thermohaline Wart 4.
Colliers Wood could be renamed Woollier Cods.
Turnpike Lane could be renamed Internal Puke.
Snaresbrook could be renamed Robs Koreans.

It's not just stations either. The railway lines themselves could be updated.

Docklands Light Railway for example, sounds frightfully dull. Allowing Dastardly Hick is much better.

I've included the maps themselves below - just click the thumbnails to have a proper look-see.

Top one is the genuine map, and the bottom is the alternative.

Snow news is good news

Yes, I know it's been ages since I updated.

But frankly, I haven't really had anything to write about. Unless you want to hear me write about work. Which you don't. Suffice to say, up until this week I have been working harder than I've ever had to. At least the Kiwi lady is back in the office now, which has taken a huge amount of work off my plate.

Actually, I will air one gripe. I don't mind working extra hours. At the end of the day I'm getting paid for them, and I'm probably being more productive than I otherwise would be. No, what pisses me off is that the extra hours are spent fixing up shit that happened a year ago, and was caused by one of the morons that preceded me. Kim has told me in great detail of some of the staff they used to have in this office and the general incompetence that prevailed as a result. So when I'm the one who has to cop the flak from clients and brokers because someone can't enter in simple data correctly, I see red.

So Marnie Holden in particular, if you're reading this, fuck you and the QANTAS jet you flew in on.

Moving right along, the title of this blog probably gives away the fact that it has been snowing in London. Only on two days so far, mark you, but still. The first was on the 24th January, and was a fairly light fall, as demonstrated here.


I mean, the fact it was the first snow I'd ever seen freaked me out somewhat, but Canada Dan reassured me that this was "nothing special".

Today however saw the heaviest snowfall in London in 7 years. Now, London isn't Calgary - we're not talking 7 foot drifts here, but it was still far more impressive.


I took this at 6:30 am just after I woke up. You can't really see it, but it's a lot thicker.


Our backyard this evening. Apparently our fence isn't snow-resistant. Ah well, another job for our geriatric landlord.


Me and the snow. Not much else to say really. Phil Nye did extol the benefits of taking self-photos - putting yourself in the memories and all that, so I try and do it as much as I can.


Possibly the worst snow angel ever made. I think it would work better in the morning when the snow is still falling, as opposed to the evening when the snow has hardened into ice. If it snows again tomorrow I'll have another go.

Provided my arms have thawed out by then.

So, what else?

Well, I did go and watch Australia take on Denmark at Loftus Road the other night, my first football international. Australia played some piss poor football most of the game, and unsurprisingly lost the game 3-1. Was well worth it though, to actually see how a football game works in practice.

It's probably the only time you'd get an Australian home ground in London too - Loftus Road stadium is smack bang in the middle of Shepherd's Bush, which is where most of the Aussies who live the backpacker lifestyle reside. As such, we had a crowd of 15200, 15000 of which were Aussies. Didn't help the final result though.

Actually, the one thing that threw me for a loop is that you can't drink beer at a football game AND watch the game at the same time. You can buy beer, but you have to consume it down in the bars behind the stands out of view of the game. Coming from a country like Australia where you buy your beer and then carry it back to your seat, this threw me for a loop.

I assume it's to reduce hooliganism, but the english rugby fan at work assures me it's because football fans are limp wristed tossers who can't hold their piss. He may yet be right. At Twickenham you can drink and watch as much as you like.

I'll probably go and see another football game before I leave though - one of my mates from the Badger is a member of Chelsea, so he threatens to buy us tickets for one of their home games, so there's a chance I'll be mingling with the unwashed masses at Stamford Bridge before long.

Not really a great deal else to say, to be honest.

Suffice to say, it's cold - very cold, and I am getting thoroughly sick of winter.

*Cue scoffing from sweltering Aussies*

Yeah, I know - but 4 months of no sun, permanent overcast/rain/snow and you'd be getting a bit pissed off too. Also, you haven't experienced the hell of trying to get to work by public transport in London after a snowfall.

Looking forward to catching up with people come the end of April - while London is a great place to spend a year or two, you can't pass up the sun and the sea.