Warney and Beyond

Continuing the trend of catching up on what I've been up to - on August 18th I ticked another item off my London checklist by going to Lord's Cricket ground to watch a game. It was an added bonus that this game happened to be the domestic one-day final, between Hampshire and Durham, and that the great Shane Warne was captaining and playing for Hampshire.

While Warney didn't end up taking any wickets, it was still nice to see him bowl one last time, since it's not something I'll be able to do again back in Australia.

Lords itself though made the whole trip worthwhile, even if Warne hadn't been playing. Make no mistake, this is the home of cricket, and it oozes it from every pore. The ground is steeped in tradition and a true sense of occasion, from the moment you walk in through the wrought iron W.G Grace Gates.


It's this building which does the most to create the sense of occasion - the famous Members Stand. This building is populated by the true toffs of cricket - the Lords Taverners, or Members, for short. Basically, you only get in if you know someone. And have a lot of money. And give a lot of it to Taverners. And then only if you really, really grovel. In addition, you have to have impeccable class and standing amongst your peers. Not for these gents the consuming of amber ale and loud cheers. Rather, a glass of vintage wine, and polite applause.

Coming from a cricketing experience that has been mainly at the Gabba, and surrounded by beers, Mexican waves and larrikinism, it certainly marked a considerable change of pace.


The other end of the stadium is slightly more modern, although equally notable - this is the new media centre, which sparked controversy when originally built, but has come to be part of the ground as much as the members stand itself.


A shot of the ground, with Warney caught at the moment of bowling.

For the record, Hampshire lost - quite heavily. Durham batted first and racked up 312, and in reply Hampshire only managed about 160.

What else is there?

Basically, I've now left work, and am about to begin my travels before heading home on October 9th. Tomorrow I'm off to Paris for 3 days, and then immediately afterwards, will be taking off to Eastern Europe for 2 weeks. Beyond that, Egypt, Ireland? Still not sure as yet. I'll have about 3 weeks after I get back from Eastern Europe to do some more travelling, so either way it should be a good time.

Don't expect frequent updates since I won't be near computers that often, but then again, updates have scarcely been anything like frequent for the last few months anyway.

If the tanks succeed, then victory follows.

The final entry to my little jaunts by rail into the English countryside is finally up - this time, I was down at the sleepy little town of Wool, and the Bovington Tank Museum located there. It's a very impressive collection of tanks - some of which are unique, and the last of their kind remaining in the world. This is particularly so of some of the German tanks they have there - owing to production difficulties (primarily caused by being bombed round the clock by Allied bombers) the Germans never built that great a number of tanks, and when you lose a war, most of your tanks tend to get destroyed in the process.

The above quote that entitles this entry is courtesy of "Smiling Heinz" Guderian by the way - Germany's finest tank commander during WW2 - or Panzers as he would have referred to them.

What I've done is listed the tanks chronologically in the photos, and as usual there'll be a little bit of background blurb beneath each one.


This is a Mark II British tank - one of the first ever tank designs. Tanks were first invented during WW1, and saw action in 1916 and 1917 at battles such as Cambrai. The tank was originally conceived as an infantry support weapon, an armoured vehicle that could break through the barbed wire, deflect the machine gun bullets fired by the enemy and provide valuable cover for the infantry to advance behind. Hence the lethargic top speed (some 8 mph), since it was never anticipated that the tank would have to outrun infantry. Although tanks saw some success during the war, they were far from being the groundbreaking weapon of WW2. Most Generals, while appreciating the value of tanks in protecting infantry, could not envision them ever playing anything more than a supporting role on the battlefield.


This British Matilda tank continued in much the same vein as the tank above - again, it was designed solely as an infantry support vehicle. The most notable change is in the appearance - it didn't take long for a turret mounted on top of the hull to become the norm in tank design. Having the guns fire from the side of the hull as in the Mark II shown above limited their field of fire, and also meant that if one gun was knocked out, that particular side of the tank was defenceless. Having a gun mounted in a rotating turret enabled a 360 degree arc of fire, meaning the tank could defend itself from any direction.

The Matilda saw service in WW2, primarily in the North African battlefield. By 1942 however it had been phased out, as newer, faster and more heavily armed tanks had become available. Although the Matilda possessed very strong armour, it was too small to mount a heavy enough gun to punch through most German tanks after 1941, and the armour made it very slow as well. Speed (or lack thereof) increasingly became a liability in WW2, as tanks quickly became the pre-eminent means of waging war, and as the spearhead of the advance, needed to be able to move quicker and faster than before.


This British A10 Cruiser, developed around the same time as the Matilda, was one attempt to solve the issue of speed vs armour. Unlike the Matilda, which piled on the armour plating at the expense of speed, the A10 eschewed armour in favour of speed. These tanks, known as "Cruiser" tanks, were fast indeed for tanks, but the lack of armour meant they were not much use in a stand up fight against other tanks. Again, these tanks also fought mainly in the North African desert, and also by 1942 had been phased out due to obsolescence. Although they had enjoyed success against the poor quality Italian tanks during 1940, the arrival of the more heavily armoured and gunned German tanks in 1941 quickly made the A10 and it's brethren a liability in battle.


This American Grant tank combined elements of WW1 and WW2 tank design, as you can see. The tank was designed to be able to field both a 75mm main gun (shown in the side casemate) as well as a smaller machine gun mounted in the turret above it. Although ungainly, the design proved surprisingly effective. It served primarily in the North African desert, as well as in campaigns in Sicily and Italy during 1943 and 1944.


This tank should be instantly familiar to anyone who knows anything at all about tanks - the famous Sherman tank is probably the most recognisable tank ever made, and certainly one of the most numerous ever produced. This tank was the mainstay of the American and British armies from 1942 until the end of WW2, and was produced in the tens of thousands. The design was based upon the realization on the part of the Allied High Command that they could not outbuild the Germans in terms of tank quality, so they would outbuild them in numbers instead. The Sherman was much lighter, and lesser armoured than the German behemoths, but the advantage of numbers meant that the Allies could usually throw in 5 Shermans to every 1 German tank in the field. And if the Germans proved too strong, the Allies had complete control of the air anyway, meaning bombs could be dropped all over any German tank that didn't want to withdraw.

You'll notice also that this tank is actually taken "on the move" rather than sitting inside the museum building - the reason for this is that the museum maintains several of these tanks in working order, and runs them around a field 3 times a week to put on a show, complete with pyrotechnics and whatnot.


Although the Allies were always behind the Germans in terms of overall tank quality, the British still managed to produce several tanks that had sufficient armour to survive most of the German firepower, even if their own guns weren't up to damaging the Germans in reply.

This tank is a British Churchill, and it was renowned for it's immensely strong and thick frontal armour, capable of deflecting almost all German tank rounds. The reason the British produced tanks like the Churchill was that by 1944 British manpower reserves were stretched to the limit, and they simply could not afford to lose troops at the rate they were with the Sherman.

But enough about the Allies. What of the Germans - these fearsome tanks capable of outgunning and outfighting the Allies finest? Wonder no longer.


The Tiger. Like the Sherman, one of the most famous tanks of the war, if not the most famous of all time. This tank, when it first appeared, struck fear into the Allied tank crews. It was considerably larger than anything the Allies possessed - weighing almost twice as much as the Sherman. It's frontal and side armour could easily deflect the standard 75mm rounds the Sherman, Grant and Churchill were armed with, unless the Allies closed to within a range of 400 metres. Given that the Tiger could knock out the Shermans at a range of 2.5 km, it's easy to see the advantage it possessed. The principle advantage was derived from it's gun - the equally legendary 88mm gun.

The 88 millimetre, or "88" as it was simply known started out life as an anti-aircraft gun. The Germans however soon realised it could also be used to great effect as a fixed anti-tank gun, simply by lowering the barrels down to ground level and firing at tanks instead of planes. When the Tiger was developed in 1942, the Germans equipped it with the 88, and the legend was born.

This Tiger is the last of it's kind that is still in working order - there are other Tigers left in the world, but not many. The Germans only built approximately 1100, and naturally, most of those were destroyed in the war.


This is the King Tiger - a larger variant of the Tiger. While still armed with the 88, it had a larger turret and more armour. This tank served mainly on the Eastern Front against the Russians - unlike the Americans and British, the Russians showed no qualms against designing larger tanks, and as a result, the Germans needed to build even larger tanks to outmatch them.

This King Tiger has it's hull coated with a fibreglass based paste (you may be able to notice the irregularities under the paint) which was designed so that infantry hiding in trenches could not attach magnetic mines to the tank. This was a favourite pasttime of the Russians.


This brute is the Tiger II - one of the final attempts by the Germans to build a tank that was impenetrable to anything the Allies could throw at it. This tank weighs close to 75 tons, and is larger than most Main Battle Tanks of the modern era, giving you an idea of it's size. In addition to beefing up the armour, engine and hull size, the Germans also ditched the 88mm gun, and equipped this tank with a truly monstrous 128mm anti-tank weapon. This sort of calibre weapon was normally mounted on navy destroyers, and was used to sink ships. Using it to destroy tanks seemed almost overkill. To give you a true idea of just how big this tank is, by way of comparison, the man leaning on the track is about 1.70m tall. Make no mistake, this thing was immense, although it wasn't the largest tank that the Germans ever built.


And this is it. The Daddy of them all. This Jadgtiger surprised me for two reasons - firstly, I was stunned at just how huge it was, and also because I didn't think any had surived the war. This tank was really rare - only about 70 or so were completed, and again, almost all were destroyed. This was primarily due to the fact that they were manned by fanatical SS crewmen, who tended to blow themselves and their tank up rather than let either be captured should the tank be knocked out.

After WW2, both the Americans and British resolved that they would never again let themselves be placed in a situation whereby their armies would have to take the field in inferior tanks. In this resolve, they have been remarkably successful - due to a combination of British developed Chobham armour and the American innovation of depleted uranium tank rounds, American and British tanks are capable of deflecting almost any firepower directed at them, while also able to destroy any other enemy tank.


This is the Centurion, the first post-war British tank to put Britain's resolve to the test. This tank, while not the size of the German monsters shown previously (in fact, as mentioned, very almost no tanks ever since have reached the size of the Tiger II and Jadgtiger), did combine speed, effective armour protection and an excellent main gun to provide an excellent armoured platform. This tank served as the mainstay of Britain's tank force from the late 1940's well into the 1960's, until it was succeeded by the Chieftain.

This is the Chieftain (also shown in outdoors mode), which served as Britain's mainstay from the 1960's until the 1980's and the arrival of the Challenger. Interestingly, prior to this tank, the armies of Australia and Canada had always used whatever tanks the British government were using, what with being part of the Empire and all. However, with the advent of Chieftain, designed as it was to fight in Europe against a Soviet invasion, the Australian and Canadian governments were deterred by the sheer size and expense of the tank. Chieftain was a Main Battle Tank in the truest sense of the word, designed solely for all out war. The Aussies and the Canucks needed something a bit more versatile, and certainly something cheaper and easier to maintain. It was this tank that caused them to adopt the German Leopard tank design, which, in a curious role reversal since WW2, was now a smaller, lighter and nimbler design than the American and British tanks.



Finally, we have the Challenger I, which has itself been superseded by the Challenger II, but only as a recently as 2000 onwards, if memory serves. This is fairly indicative of a modern tank design - note the much flatter turret and angular shaped armour. This is designed to reduce the profile of the tank, making it harder to spot. The sloping armour also increases the chance that a shell will deflect off the tank, rather than penetrating through into the crew compartment.

I was somewhat disappointed not to see a M1 Abrams, but I guess that being the current tank still being used by the US Army, they're all busy in Iraq for the time being.

So there you have it. A journey through the history of the tank, from 1917 until 2007. All in all, an excellent way to spend a day.

England Expects that every Man will do His Duty

Saturday 4th August saw me venture down to Portsmouth Harbour, ancestral home of the mighty Royal Navy of old (and the not so mighty Royal navy of the present day).

There is an impressive collection of vessels to be found floating in the harbour, and some equally impressive ones to be found in drydock. The historic dockyard is well worth a trip - for 15 quid entry you get to see every ship and exhibit in the dockyard, as well as a tour of the harbour itself.

So, let's get started.


This is HMS Warrior - the second ever all-iron warship, constructed back in 1860, in response to the French La Gloire, which, naturally, was the first ever all-iron warship. However, La Gloire didn't survive the passage of time - the French broke it up for scrap in the 1880's - but HMS Warrior endured as a training vessel and a coal bunker before it was rescued in 1979. It was restored and rebuilt over 8 years, and was sailed to it's current location in Portsmouth Harbour.


This is a shot of the bow - as you can see, Warrior carries masts, for sails, to propel her along when cruising peacefully. Should battle be joined, the ship would fire up the boilers and the propellors, and tear along at a "staggering" 8 knots. (Approximately 12 km/h).


Although a modern ship, in terms of being constructed from iron, as opposed from wood, it retained an old-fashioned armament. Warrior possessed several dozen muzzle loading cannon, just as the British ships of two-hundred years before had. In battle, Warrior would simply sail up alongside the opposing vessel, as it's cannonballs deflected harmlessly off it's massive iron sides, and unload a devastating broadside that would annihilate the hapless enemy.


This imposing brute (child in shot for scale) is what is known as a Carronade. It was based at the stern, mounted on rails set into the deck, and could be pivoted around to shoot anywhere in a 180 degree angle behind and to the side of the ship. These were used to sweep the enemy decks of riflemen and boarders, with a horrendous blast of "grapeshot". Grapeshot was comprised of hundreds of tiny musket balls, shrapnel and whatever else they could jam down the barrel of the gun. Think of it as a gigantic shotgun.


It wasn't all war and cannons on the ship however. This luxurious setting could be found in the officers' wardroom, and was where the officers sat down for dinner. Admittedly dinner was only likely to consist of salt beef and maybe some fresh meat if they had it, but at least the officers could get trashed on wine, unlike the men, who had to do with moldy biscuits and weak beer.


Moving along to another vessel and undeniably the most famous vessel in the entire British Navy, let alone Portsmouth.

HMS Victory was a 1st rate 3 decker, constructed from 1759 to 1767. It was already a well-known ship by the time of 1805, having served in several actions against the French. 1805 and Trafalgar however, would make it immortal. At the battle of Trafalgar, it served as Nelson's flagship, leading the attack that sliced through the French line, firing it's full broadside into the stern of the French flagship Bucentaur. Although heavily damaged at the battle, losing it's foremast, it survived, as did every other British ship. The French and Spanish fleet fared not so well - 18 ships sank or were captured. It was the most crushing naval victory of all time.

However, the British did suffer one loss, of irreplaceable value - Lord Admiral Nelson, the greatest English sailor of the age, was shot by a French musketball at the height of the battle and died some 3 hours later - surviving long enough to realise the magnitude of his great victory.


This is one of the gundecks of Victory, the upper gundeck, which carried the lightest cannons - although firing a cannonball weighing 24 pounds, they weren't exactly small. The height of the decks is the main thing to notice here, as it is scarcely 5 feet from deck to ceiling. Made strolling about a bit difficult for a 6 footer like myself.


It's always been seen as one of the great oddities of naval construction in the 17 and 1800's - that ships purposely built for war, armed to the teeth with great cannons, and their sides made up of reinforced oak panelling, would have at the stern a great wall of glass panels and flimsy pine. It was precisely this sort of stern on the Bucentaur that Victory unloaded 50 cannons into, it's entire broadside, poured in through the glass panels, travelling the entire length of the French ship. Approximately 240 men were killed or maimed in that first terrifying broadside.

It was on the Victory's quarterdeck, perched atop the stern, that Nelson received his fatal wound - a French musketball entered through his shoulder, travelled through his lungs and liver and finished up in the small of his back, shattering his spine. Unable to walk, and with his body quickly filling up with his own blood, he lasted only a few hours more. The crew carried him deep below decks to the Orlop deck, below the waterline, where he lay dying. News came down of the great victory, and he died, with the words "Thank God I have done my Duty."


(Pardon the No Photography sign)

They don't like you taking photos of this, since it's seen as disrespectful. Perhaps it is. But the way I see it, Nelson is long gone, as are his relatives and anyone else who knew him personally. It's not like I'm wandering round Auschwitz snapping photos of the gas chambers, where someone's mother and father met their premature end.

So, there you have it. Pressed against the white beam, Nelson perished on October 21st 1805 at 4:30pm.


So, now onto some more modern stuff. This is HMS Ark Royal, the Royal Navy's newest aircraft carrier. It's a lot smaller than the gigantic Yank carriers, since it only needs to be able to launch Harrier Jump Jets and helicopters.


This is one of several Royal Navy Frigates that were tied up in Harbour. Somehow, the ships of today do not have the same pomp and circumstance as the ships of yore. I think it's the grey.


And finally, we have a building known as the Spinnaker, a 185m observation tower that gives great views of Portsmouth Harbour. (Or so I'm told)

At 10 quid to go up, and faced with a line longer than Ben Hur, I decided against it.

So there you have it. Portsmouth. Well worth the trip down.

Jabba the AccountHutt

Some of you may have gleaned from the odd comment in my blog that whilst I don't mind my job, I really, really hate my boss. And don't worry - all will be revealed. Once I leave.

But I cannot refrain from taking a moment to slag off a different annoyance in my life - namely, the miserable old dotard that has taken up nesting in our accounts office, and who hides behind his spreadsheets while managing to be the most difficult and irritating person I've ever met.

For those of you unaware, Accounting is all about money. Money comes in, Money goes out. Cashflow. Expenditure. Whatever you want to call it. Now, our accountant, by the name of Maurice, to his credit, has the incomings down pat. Believe me, if money comes into this office, it gets allocated to a person's policy as soon as possible. All well and good.

However, when it's time to give money back to a client, then we have problems. You see, our accountant friend. as well as my boss are both greedy pricks at the best of times, and for reasons that I cannot begin to comprehend, think it's better to hold onto a person's money for a month or two (or more) longer than they need to before giving it back. Make no mistake, we have to give this money back, and we always do. But rather than return it immediately, our boss, and our accountant, hold onto it in their grasping, greasy, wrong-side-of-50 hands.

Take today. This morning in fact. About a week ago we declined to insure a guy who was massively overweight. No surprises there. But he'd already paid online when he applied. So it's a simple matter of returning his money, right? Wrong. I gave this to Account Fuck five days ago, and he still hasn't done it. Two minutes of work and he hadn't been bothered. Meanwhile we're copping grief from clients - which, I might add, he never has talk to. Our boss doesn't want him talking to clients, since his customer service skills are completely non-existent. So I have to tell these poor bastards that their money is going to come back "shortly" and then go in and verbally joust with Jabba the AccountHutt in the other room.

He doesn't pay commission to brokers, he doesn't pay the reinsurer on time, he doesn't refund money - for the life of me, I can't understand why we have this overweight leech clinging to this company. Oh, that's right, I remember now. Because he's the only one dishonest enough to cover up the fact that my boss is a lying fraud, a cheat and a criminal.

Two and a half fucking weeks to go, and it cannot come soon enough.

There'll be bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover

Well, over the past two weekends I've been a bit busy with travelling. Braving British Rail and the hordes of sun-seeking Londoners, I've undertaken some train journeys down to the Channel Coast, to see a few things outside of London. Specifically, the White Cliffs of Dover; various old and new ships of Her Majesty's Navy in Portsmouth Harbour; and finally Bovington Tank Museum.

All in all, a good mix of militarism and sightseeing.

Actually, travelling by train in England is a pretty decent way to get around. During rush hour it's hell on rails, but on the weekend it's actually not too bad. Trains don't run as often, so the tracks aren't as crowded, and as a result you tend to get a pretty clear run. It's cheap too - a trip to Portsmouth for example, a good 200 mile return journey, only cost 18 quid.

The best part about it though is the fact you're out of London. Every mile of green fields and trees reminds you that you're not actually surrounded by hordes of crappy little terraced houses and traffic. And now that the English summer has actually started, it's sublime out in the countryside. Weather has been perfect these past few weeks. It's almost enough to make up for the two months of rain and crap that preceded it throughout "summer".

Well, let's start with Dover in this blog, and I'll cover the rest over the next few days.


And here it is. Dover City that is. Situated pretty much right at the narrowest point of the English Channel, when standing on Dover Castle you can easily make out the grey strip of land that marks France. The city itself is a nice enough place, although I didn't spent a great deal of time down there.


This is Dover Castle, situated well above the city. To use a phrase said many times before, you can see why they built it where they did. The vantage point is stunning, as is the view. I took the previous photo of Dover standing on the top of the Keep. The Keep is the oldest part of the castle and was built by Henry II in 1188 AD. The rest of the castle, such as the walls and outlying fortifications were constructed over the next hundred years or so.

That being said, Henry wasn't the first person to hit upon the idea of constructing a castle here. There were conquerors of England that preceded him by a good 1000 years that thought of it first...


The crumbling tower that sits just to the right of the Monastery is the oldest surviving Roman building in all of England. They built it shortly after the Roman conquest early in AD, to act as a beacon/lighthouse for ships crossing from the French (or Gallish) coast.


This is slightly newer. Kings in the 1700's tended to like visiting Dover, but they naturally turned their noses up at the grotty little Keep. Hence, they opted for something slightly more luxurious and opulent.


Some of the traditional armament of Dover Castle.


This is a little more modern. During the German blitz of 1940 and 1941, Dover was heavily bombed throughout. The harbour was a major British staging post for channel convoys, and was always full of targets for the Germans. Owing to Dover Castle's outstanding vantage point right above the Harbour, the British positioned several Anti-Aircraft guns on the heights above Dover, to try and make life as difficult for the Stukas as possible.

After leaving the castle itself, I did a tour of the underground wartime tunnels. The chalk cliffs of Dover are very soft, and consequently the British excavated them extensively, digging out a massive underground bunker underneath Dover castle, deep underground. The first tunnels were dug during Napoleonic times, and then were extended during WW2. No photos though - while the tunnels have come off the Official Secrets Act, they still don't want you taking photos of them.

Fortunately, my next exhibit is free to be photographed. It's pretty close to being the most recognisable feature in all of the United Kingdom.


And here they are. It's hard to describe how epic it is to be standing on the famous White Cliffs what with the Channel breeze blowing at you, 70 metre drop to the ocean below - German tourists nattering away in your ear (I'm telling you, WW2 was a ruse. The bastards have invaded, I counted at least 50 in Dover alone!)


This shot was taken from Dover Castle, and shows the rather pleasant landscape adorning the ground above the Cliffs, before one reaches the end of England.


Another view.


This shot was taken below the cliffs on the way - this is a slightly smaller part down near the town itself, but it rapidly rises away up to the dizzying heights in the previous photos.

All in all, it was an excellent day.