'Tis the season of our discontent

Shakespeare might very well have been writing of the London Underground.

I am still getting used to the regularity of delays on the tube, because some twit has decided to end it all by lobbing themselves in front of two hundred tons of London Underground rolling stock. While an undeniably effective way of bringing one's life to a swift and messy termination, it also tends to lead to the termination of all tube service on the line in question for a few hours, while they clean up the mess. The latest incident happened at Hyde Park Corner only last week, and there's usually one or two each week. They even have a pre-recorded announcement for it on the loudspeaker system for christ's sake. For example:

"There is no service on the Jubilee Line between Finchley Park and Baker Street due to a person under the train at Swiss Cottage."

My view on this is that, try as they might, there is no way for London Underground to stop these selfish bastards for throwing themselves in front of trains, should they so choose. Therefore, what I propose is that there should be a designated suicide station. Somewhere out of the way - on the East London line for example. Have a station which just has a single train, running up and down the platform. Disconnect it from the main line. That way, people can jump in front of it at their leisure, without inconveniencing the rest of life-loving-Londoners. The track could be equipped with drains and a sprinkler system, to make sure the bodies don't pile up too much.

I mean, if it's going to happen anyway, why not embrace the idea? Given that I've been reliably informed that winter is the time when most people choose to top themselves on the tube (something about the cold being depressing) there's no time to waste.

I tell you, I don't know what Ken Livingstone (Mayor of London) would do without me.

In other news this week, I went to St Paul's Cathedral. Well worth the visit - it truly is a phenomenal building. The dome is staggeringly huge, both from the inside and the outside, and the artwork inside the Cathedral proper is also brilliant.

Beneath the Cathedral, down in the Crypt, lie some of the greatest figures in English history. Admirals Jellicoe and Beatty, of Jutland fame; Arthur Wellington, the Iron Duke, victor of Waterloo and conquerer of Napoleon; Sir Christopher Wren, Royal architect and designer of St Paul's - but pride of place is undoubtedly reserved for Lord Admiral Nelson, the Hero of Trafalgar and England's greatest ever naval officer. Prior to his death, he had been offered a plot in Westminster Abbey - for when the time came. Nelson declined, as he believed Westminster Abbey was sinking into the Thames, and would eventually collapse, opting instead for St Paul's cathedral.

While that prediction has not come true, Nelson's stature is not diminished in any way by his decision - his massive coffin lies in perpetual state, surrounded by paintings depicting him in a definite Christ-like manner at his death.

Above the crypt, you also have the option of climbing up to the top of the dome, via a rabbit warren of stairs and passages. I found it quite amusing to hear a Yank complaining and puffing about the lack of lifts in the Cathedral.

Well, despite his undoubted brilliance, I doubt that even Sir Christopher Wren could have predicted that 300 years after it's completion, his masterpiece would be swarmed over by obese McDonalds munching tourists from, as they were known as in 1710, the American colonies. If he did know, you could hear the whirring noise coming from his coffin as he spun at high speed.

Although you can't take photos inside the Cathedral or Crypt itself, I've got some decent shots of the view from the top and of the Cathedral itself.

Enjoy.


This is the Bank of England, which gives name to the Station in the city centre of London. The actual building itself is surrounded by the gigantic wall you see in front of shot, stretching around the entirety of the building.

Evidently security doesn't seem to be a problem.


Quite possibly the most elaborate direction sign I've ever seen. These are unique to Bank underground station. I love it.


The massive dome of St Paul's Cathedral. After walking through the claustrophobic medieval sized inner streets of central London it's quite something to walk suddenly around a corner and have this staring at you.


The front of the Cathedral.


The view from the top. This is of the City financial district - faintly through the distance you can also see the towers of Canary Wharf. The odd shaped building is known formally as the Swiss RE Building, or, more commonly and informally - "The Gherkin."

One thing you notice is that for a city of this size, it doesn't have as many skyscrapers or high rises as you might expect. The main reason for this is the building I was standing on when I took the last photo. Every building in London is only approved provided that it does not affect, interfere with or diminish the view and location of St Paul's Cathedral. It's good to see London is paying such due care and attention to preserve its heritage.

Now if only they'd stop taking such care, attention and above all else, time, when dealing with corpses of tube suicide victims. Just deploy the damn fire hose and get things running again. A 2 hour closure in peak hour to scrape some bastard off the tracks is just criminal.

Anyways, on that rather macabre note I'll leave you to it - until next time.